Shadow Work

In the past I think I've had varying ideas about shadow work and to what extent I really wanted to dive deep into them. My fears surrounding this, was a belief that if I dived into them 1) I may never come out 2) I would create more of what my mind thought around the topic. The reality is, if we refuse to go into our shadow, we will likely suffer the consequences of it playing out for us even more so than otherwise and without our full conscious consent of that.

The shadow is where we place the aspects of self that we have disowned. It's the place where we have radically judged others or ourselves and have refused to see any aspect of truth or goodness in certain qualities of character. In our society, it's important for us to have morality and to identify what is appropriate behavior and what isn't. When we create villains out of general aspects of emotion, they have a tendency to play out in very severe ways in our shadows. Hence shadow work is essential to gaining equilibrium over these extremes in our psyche.

For example, if we have disowned all and any anger in our bodies, we may be overly accommodating in our lives, to the point where we are completely burnt out from trying to always be there for others, and never quite showing up for ourselves. It may create a resentful attitude for others, and it may severely harm our relationships. Our shadow then creates an image that no one is looking out for us, no one really cares about us and people are taking advantage of us, when in reality, we haven't learned to take care of ourselves, we haven't learned to listen to our own hearts and understand where we genuinely like to help and accommodate for others and when it's stretching us a bit too far.

There are so many aspects that can lurk in the shadow. Another aspect of anger, if it's disowned, you may be accommodating until a point where suddenly a trigger is flipped, and a whole new side comes out that surprises everyone even yourself. You can't even take ownership for anything that happened during the flip switch, because anger has been disowned to that great of an extent in your being. Hence recreating a pattern of calm and chaos when something really sets off the unconscious pattern.

Seeking love is a huge one that often gets put into the shadow, especially here in the west where we believe that we are supposed to be cool and self sufficient in every way. We play it off that we aren't looking for love or to be approved of, all the while still trying to get that raise... upgrade our car or our house... our image ... so that we can feel approved and ultimately loved. The reality is, no amount of love from the outside is enough to satisfy this inner requirement. We have to look within and nurture the inner child who feels this imbalance. Bring it into communication with ourselves and let it know that we are there and supportive of its growth and process.

Fear is a big one, especially in the psyche of men on this planet. We have created a culture where men are supposed to be the strong ones, supposed to always be brave and bold and emotionless. Any indication that fear is present in a man may trigger immense response and anger towards the individual who made such a claim. Perhaps also tied into the seeking love bit, if a man expresses vulnerability or fear, it may mean a deep hit on their belief system in being loved.

We have as many shadows as we have judgments for others and self. Every time we have a heavy emotion or a strong trigger- its an indication that we have an unworked out shadow lurking that needs light and love and compassion.

If someone says something that heavily triggers you, check inside.. is there an aspect of truth to it. The more you deny it, the more likely that the shadow is lurking.

Can we be okay with being an a$$hole? We are wired to seek approval and love from others, but this is impossible 100% of the time. It's healthy and appropriate to draw boundaries and follow your own rhythm and heart in matters involving you. For people blaming you for making decisions that are in tune with your internal rhythm, it states more about their character than yours.

Can we come to peace with every type of insult? Can we look at ways in our lives where that may have been true? We may need to get creative and think out of the box. Even if the ways were subtle. Can we be okay with ourselves for the wrong actions we have made? We can't change the past, but we can create a more conscious future. We can check in with insults and recognize the ways that we aren't perfect, that we are growing beings working on instilling light to more areas of our life.

There's not only bad in our shadow but good too. Like inner strength, resilience and comfort in being ourselves and speaking our minds, in the face of outer discomfort. Letting someone know when a behavior doesn't work for us, or learning to go with the flow and not be so high strung about everything, recognizing the oneness and the peace in allowing things to be as they are.

It could be housing our confidence or aspects of our wisdom and hidden talents. Sometimes we have hidden judgments for success or working hard or order... based on what we witnessed as kids and what we deemed as good or bad. So getting conscious as an adult with our shadow means separating out the judgments from the qualities and healing parts of you that perhaps you never thought to look in your shadow for healing before.

I've recently developed some methods and some modalities to address the inner shadow and the inner children who often carry these features, and ways to clear and heal them.

Get in touch if you may be interested in diving deeper!

Namaste,

Esther Shanti